As the final days of 2023 are crossed off our calendars, let us pause to reflect on the past and to imagine a better year soon beginning. While 2024 will surely hold its ups and downs, let us focus on that which we can control. Let us remember that it is not what happens to us, but what happens in us, that makes the difference for us.

As I’ve made the rounds while conducting on-site training workshops for over 70 hotels and companies this year, it is very evident that this has been yet another year challenging and stressful year. Not only are we still dealing with post-pandemic disruptions, but also technology changes that blow by us as fast as highway signs out the side windows of a moving vehicle.

The timing seems perfect to address the need to reclaim the spirit of hospitality from the grasp of cynicism and to recharge it for the coming year.

As they say in all 12-step programs, admitting you have a problem is the first step toward overcoming it. If you are still reading, perhaps now’s a good time to speak these words out loud: “I have become a sometimes-cynical hospitality employee.”

Good job readers! Now, grab your “white chip” and let’s get started on the 12 steps!

We all need our go-to person to vent to, but I suggest that this be someone other than your roommate or life partner! Perhaps a member of your “work-fam,” who you can form a pact with to always be there for each other. Or, as I suggest to my clients, talk your boss into creating a “primal screen therapy closet” complete with a punching bag and soundproofing.

Once you’ve vented, let it go, as retelling it can feel like reliving it. Psychologists call this “ruminating,” which is to repeatedly obsess on a negative thoughts about a situation or person.

Laughter is surely a terrific stress reliever, and we all get a kick out of the “clueless” things guests say, ask and do. Such as “What’s the weather going to be during my visit? (A visit that is months away!)” or “Are there sharks in the ocean there?” or “Why do you need a credit card at check-in? I already gave one when booking” or “I know you don’t take pets, but my dog is special.”

Avoid falling into the trap of resenting “all” guests based on the actions of a few. Otherwise, negativity will grow like the Kudzu weed, an invasive species of vine that grows super-fast in a forest, soon covering the entire tree canopy, blocking out all sunlight so that everything underneath dies in the darkness. For example, never say “All guests these days only complain to get something for free.” Realize that most guests just want to be heard.

How many actual guest rooms do you have? (Remember, suites may have two or more rooms.) On average, how many guests per room? For a hotel, let’s say you have 200 rooms and an average of 1.75 guests-per-room, that’s 350 complaint opportunities per sold-out night! Remember that most guests do not contact us to say “Hello, I just called to say that everything is working perfectly today, and the place is spotless!” Therefore, remember the number of complaints per guest is actually quite low.

When you encounter cranky or disgruntled guests, stop to think about all they have likely gone through before arriving in your lobby. What time did they wake up to catch that 8 a.m. flight? What stresses did they encounter at the airport or on the plane? When was the last time they ate? (Yes, hunger does make most of us cranky.) If they arrived by car, what traffic delays? If traveling with kids, what annoyances or stressors did they endure?

We are emotional creatures living in a physical world. Rather than rushing to judge others as “mean,” “rude” or to label them with “four letter words,” think about the possible “back stories.” What is going on with their health or the wellness of their family members? What is happening with their job or personal relationship with the person they are standing next to? Why are they in town? Is it really just a vacation, or perhaps the only time they get to spend together as a family or couple all month? Is it just a business trip? Or are they there for a stressful meeting or work transition? Or for a procedure in a hospital, or worse yet if you ask me, for their child or spouse’s medical test or procedure?

The spirit of hospitality flows like a satellite signal to a cell phone tower, and each of us sends a “signal” to everyone we encounter. Are sending out a weak analog signal? If so, you’ll be overpowered daily by the negative vibes of others. Instead, choose to blast out 5G Positivity! Walk into work focused on a mindset that you are going “flip the vibe” of everyone you encounter.

Greet others first before they greet you. Hold eye contact for an extra second or two, and a smile will naturally break out on both faces. Recent studies in medical fields have confirmed that smiles actually trick the body into releasing those “feel-good” hormones. Listen attentively and be fully present. Use impeccable telephone hospitality and you will speak with nicer callers!

To defusing an upset guest or co-worker, provide them with a sense of validation. Try to understand how they might feel in the context of their situation, and then apologize! An apology is not an admission of guilt; it simply shows that our intentions were good.

Don’t give others the “remote control” to your emotional well-being. No one can make you angry, no one make you upset, and no one can insult you, unless you give them the power to do so.

Before you grab your phone from the nightstand and scroll through Facebook or email, pause to be grateful. For your health, your family, your job, your co-workers and your guests — yes, even the difficult ones. Gratitude is truly a superpower.

Doug Kennedy is president of the Kennedy Training Network, Inc. Contact him at doug@kennedytrainingnetwork.com.

The opinions expressed in this column do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Hotel News Now or CoStar Group and its affiliated companies. Bloggers published on this site are given the freedom to express views that may be controversial, but our goal is to provoke thought and constructive discussion within our reader community. Please feel free to contact an editor with any questions or concern.

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